genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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