i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Found the puke drawer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
