Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
