I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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