it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
