a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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