I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize