mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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