my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
