Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry my hands just texted you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Randomize
