More tranny stories later!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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