you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize