I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bring me that man meat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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