I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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