The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize