How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
