I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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