Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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