I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I queefed so loud it echoed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
