Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
