hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it glows. i had to have it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
