I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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