no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
