dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
