I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
