apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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