I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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