You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
