how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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