Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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