she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize