I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
