so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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