the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think a kid would responsible me up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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