whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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