Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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