Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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