I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
