My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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