He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize