i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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