is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
love makes seman taste better
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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