Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
