I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
