For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
