So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
