So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
