are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
