So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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