i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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