How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
