I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
