I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
