you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My vagina just clenched in fear
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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