I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
