Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize