Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
