you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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