At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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