omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
