covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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