I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
