I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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