and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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