I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she told me i tasted like america
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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