I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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