Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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