god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
