:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
