walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
