She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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