Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
