My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
