Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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