i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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